Thursday, 15 November 2012

Google is watching you masturbate.

What would we do without Google? It's the most popular search engine, and second most popular website on the entire internet (losing only to Facebook). Its convenience and simple design has charmed millions of users, enabling them to quickly obtain information on every subject imaginable. Or funny pictures of cats.


Ah yes, ceiling cat is watching you masturbate. A classic meme. Fun for all the family.

But now Google itself is watching you masturbate. The corporation has recently come under criticism for its new privacy policy - in which they allow themselves to track you across different websites and link the data to your real name - and the tendency of their Street View cars to steal information from private WiFi networks, including passwords and personal emails. And not only does Google's own Chrome browser track every site you visit, they managed to exploit the security settings on Apple's Safari browser to track people who use that instead. Not that Apple is much better, mind - if you have an iPhone or iPad, they are watching your every move.

All of this is small fry compared to what's coming:
Next time you go into your garden make sure you look up towards the sky to check that there isn’t something watching you. As reported in the Sunday Times, users of Apple iPhones will soon be able to see into people’s houses through skylights using a 3-D mapping service based on high resolution aerial photographs from spy planes.

[...]

Google currently dominates the market with StreetView and has announced that it too also plans to use camera planes to produce new 3-D maps for its own products. This announcement comes at a time when there are still unanswered questions over the intrusion of privacy that the Street View service may present.
If they can see through skylights today, they will see through your windows tomorrow. The US government is already planning to use airborne drones the size of golf balls to spy on private citizens. But you could just draw the curtains, right? Or turn the lights off?

Yes, you can still do that, citizen - but these drones are equipped with heat-seeking cameras. We are on the verge of a technocratic totalitarianism, with both governments and multinational corporations clamoring to capture more data on what we're doing all the time.
This week Apple is expected to unveil their new app, Maps, for their iPhone and iPad which is set to rival Google Maps. With the assistance of Apple’s own private air force fitted with military grade camera equipment, they are able to capture the world’s towns and cities in high definition 3-D. The images are expected to be so detailed that they will be able to reveal objects four inches across.
So unless you have been cursed with a chronically undersized organ, Google and Apple, and possibly even your own government, will soon be able to watch you masturbate. Or whatever else it is you do in private. Don't be embarassed, now - it's only a matter of time before it's in the public domain anyway!

Don't you feel so much safer knowing they're looking out for you?

- Mojo

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