It struck me the other day that some of the best advice we get comes from feminists. No, really. If you've ever contributed or commented in any way that could be considered critical of feminists or women, and they got wind of it, you will have been subjected to an estrogenic barrage of abuse like the following:
Why don't you stop being a loser, get a job, move out of your mom's basement, stop masturbating all the time and get a real girlfriend?On balance, you have to admit that this is actually pretty good advice. If you actually do live in your mom's basement, it would certainly improve your life if you got a job and moved into your own pad. And even the most hardened MGTOWs aren't seriously going to deny that the pleasures of the flesh are superior to the pleasures of the palm.
It's good advice, but the intention is malicious. The feminist is contrasting your life (or what she assumes your life is like) to the life of a winner. In doing so, she's trying to make you feel bad about your own status. There's often the assumption made that you wouldn't hold these opinions about women or feminism if your own life wasn't so crummy - that you're just looking for someone to blame for your shitty existence, and women appear to be a fair target since they're not having sex with you.
It's a kind of backlash. The feminist is upset by your criticism of something she holds dear to her heart, and in her rage she wants to upset you right back. Your argument may have been impartial in nature, but its ramifications were distressing, so she makes it personal.
Contrast the feminist's advice, which is good but maliciously intended, to the following:
Just be yourself.This is utterly terrible advice. It's imparted with the best of intentions, but it suggests that you don't need to improve yourself in any way, which is almost certainly a lie. Especially if you're a chronically masturbating, unemployed neckbeard living in your mom's basement.
What the JBYers are saying is that they think you're just fine how you are, and if other people don't see this, then it's their problem for not seeing the real you. This is comforting to hear, but all it does is breed narcissism, entitlement, laziness, and aversion to change. Not good for anyone.
No matter how highly you or your friends think of you, others aren't going to do this by default. You have to be willing to prove yourself. Most of the time, that means you have to be willing to improve yourself.
Which means not being yourself. It means striving to become somebody like yourself, but better. You could make an effort to come out of your shell more, or to learn new skills to make yourself more employable. All of which requires hard work and patience. You will achieve nothing by just settling for being yourself.
Isn't this the basic concept of learning Game? Don't PUAs and their students talk about spending countless hours studying the greats and understanding social interaction? Ironic then that the kneejerk feminist response to PUAs is to tell them to get laid more. Like, I think they've got that part covered.
I brought up Ferdinand at the beginning because one of his posts I managed to save was his response to Andy Nowicki on the topic of being yourself. Ferd writes:
Justifying your unwillingness to improve your life by claiming to be “authentic” or “being yourself” is just a lie you tell yourself to protect your ego. I don’t want to insult Nowicki — I don’t know him in real life, I enjoy his writing, and I doubt he’s as much a “square” as he claims to be — but his argument is fundamentally a loser’s argument. You almost never hear this kind of argument coming from anyone who’s accomplished anything real in life. You don’t hear it from athletes, you don’t hear it from musicians (real musicians, not kids living on trust funds), you don’t hear it from international travelers. You hear it from fat girls, feminists, and nerds. “Have another Snickers bar, you gorgeous girl, you!”
In their natural state, most humans are worthless sacks of shit. It takes effort and dedication to NOT be a worthless sack of shit. Anyone who’s accomplished anything real did so by sacrificing for it. The athlete spent countless hours honing his body and exerting himself to the point of exhaustion. The musician spent countless hours fumbling around with his guitar, pressing down on the frets until his fingertips were sore, beating himself up every time he hit the wrong string. The international traveler spent countless hours studying a foreign language and learning how to protect himself in unknown territory. All of that time pays dividends down the road. It’s only the people who’ve never even attempted putting in that effort, who’ve spent their lives eating junk food and masturbating in front of the computer, who make a religion out of “being yourself.”
Note how similar this is in essence to feminist shaming. When feminists insult you by telling you that your life is worthless and you should get off the internet and improve yourself, their message is basically the same as the paragraphs quoted above.Changing your lifestyle takes time and work, but it can be done. No, not everyone can become a Casanova or ripped or the next Kurt Cobain, but you can refashion your life into something you can be proud of. You just need to figure out what you want and most importantly, go out there and get it.
The difference is that Ferdinand is giving good advice sincerely, whereas feminists are giving good advice maliciously. Feminists don't tell you to "just be yourself," even though this is the worst advice anyone could give, because they want you to understand that you suck and that being yourself is a horrible fate that most people would recoil from. But striving to be a better version of you is actually a positive course of action. Settling for who you are is like saying you don't plan to achieve anything from now until the day you die.
- Mojo the Neckbeard